I've got a great church. They are giving, they love the Lord and they will do anything short of sin to help anyone in trouble. In stark contrast, I do it all myself. I'm giving but I'm shrewd. I'm also extremely prideful. I'd rather die than ask for help. I'd rather get lost than ask for directions. (Amber nods her head yes in agreement from six hours away.)
In short, I hate asking for help.
So I had to ask my pastor for help yesterday. He was receptive to everything I said and agreed that, currently, I cannot make ends meet and make a big contribution to the youth group. So he called me today and said the personnel committee wants to meet with me on Sunday and talk over how we can get things resolved.
It's the most awkward thing in the world to write a letter to your church's personnel committee basically asking for money. It's like I was asking for another fix. I really didn't like it. But then again, I don't like asking for anything. I'm the guy that tries to slip that $20 back in mom's purse after she hands it to me. I once got sad because my bank card declined (it was broken) and Amber had to pay for movie tickets on a date night. Yeah, I'm THAT guy. Money is a big deal to me. For me, it's security. It's comfort. I know the value of money because I've never had it. And when I don't have any, it's a devastating thing for me.
So I wrote the awkward letter with my monthly expenses, my future education certificate expenses, and future goals, gave them MY numbers (might as well be number) and reasoned. I won't divulge anything from that because it's private, of course.
When Clay called me today, I just wept after we hung up our phones. "God provided again". Just like He always does.
In all this, I can feel God reminding of His words.