Monday, June 3, 2013
Post-Grad Struggles and God's Grace
I’m sitting in the Fine Arts break room at East Central. On my computer typing. But I’m not doing homework, I’m typing a blog. And I’m here, and not at the apartment, because I don’t live there anymore. I don’t live in Ada anymore. I live in Lindsay, Oklahoma. I’m 23. I’m living by myself. And it would be all awesome if I were married yet or if there were more people my age there that weren’t into drinking or doing meth. The truth is, in Lindsay, right now, I’m lonely. Nothing wrong with that. I don’t have Internet. Nothing wrong with that either. I am alone, but at the same time I know I’m not alone because the Lord is with me always. In the backdrop of this move to Lindsay, God has been ministering to me since day one. He told me to be patient; I wanted until June 1 to move in. Done. Now it seems like my world is collapsing upon me. I don’t have too much money, the church is wanting to cut some of what they’re paying me because I’m not driving from Ada anymore. On top of all this, Amber is gone to work at camp so my closest confidant is six hours away. My family is an hour away. All of my friends are also an hour away in any direction. On the surface, I should be freaking out or institutionalized. But, like I said, God is ministering to me in this mess. My evening reading was Psalms 1-10. I felt led to read the Psalms aloud with intensity, like I was preaching them. The basic theme through the first ten Psalms is that God is with you, no matter how your enemies are. No matter how many stand against you, God is in the midst. And so by the tenth Psalm, my voice was ragged and I was almost in tears. I wasn’t broken. But I was at rock bottom. God healed me last night. In His great mercy, He made me whole. He made me work. This morning, I woke up and got a plan of action together. I applied at IBC Bank in Lindsay, I got my resume, changed my address, mailed my letters to Amber and got a PO Box, paid rent and made it to Ada. Before all this, however, my car didn’t start. So I had to be patient. I tried to move it to a good spot to get a charge from Clay, who was on his way. In the midst of pushing it, the car just started. God moved again. As I was filling out my application at IBC , mom texted me some great news we had been praying about before. I won’t mention it now but if she ends up getting on at this place, I’ll write that story because it’s powerful. I’m lonely and financially beat up. And I’m right where God wants me. I’m helpless and so He can work through what I don’t have. I can’t even take care of myself. God is here. So pray for me as I keep you all in mind. Amber, I love you. I’ll try, again, to post more here. I don’t have the interwebs at the house so it’ll be a little difficult. Soli Deo Gloria, to God alone be the glory.